She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
