I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
