woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
