so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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