I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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