he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
