I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Two words: blizzard sex
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
