I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
