Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
