The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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