Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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