Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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