Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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