My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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