I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
