things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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