pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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