apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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