I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
this beer tastes like vomit already
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
