my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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