i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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