More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
