Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize