I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
