So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
zippers are such a cool invention
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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