Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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