ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
