two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
