Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
