I think my fart just growled at me.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
