i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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