It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize