Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
