another moral hangover. fuck.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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