i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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