god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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