man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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