Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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