yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
