WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
