You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
