Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
