omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
