I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
