I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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