I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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