with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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