Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
50% drunk capacity currently
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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