the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize