Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
