I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i believe in u and ur pee
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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