I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
