you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
