The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
