So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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