I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
