sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
