Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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