I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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