Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
