She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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