I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize