Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm always down for nudity.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
