You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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