you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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