does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
