you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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