Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Randomize