WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize