Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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