It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
