how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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