jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
