i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
