please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
