i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She bit a glass in half.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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