wake up i wanna do it froggy style
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
