some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
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