I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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