That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
