NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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