true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Welp...herpes.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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