my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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