DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize