he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
high people should be assigned attendants
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
