I want to walk on stilts...naked
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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