i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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