Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Randomize
