I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We need to rekindle our bromance
Everything about him screamed your future.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
