I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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