i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize