i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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