my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
